Lord, is there any way I can know you better without reading the Bible? This prayer of my heart was actually quite sincere. The Holy Spirit had been prompting me to read the Bible for years, but I always resisted. The idea of reading the whole Bible from cover to cover felt intimidating, impossible, and—if I’m being completely honest—boring. But what real excuse did I have? I watched too much TV to claim I didn’t have time, owned too many Bibles to claim I didn’t have access, attended too many years of school to claim I didn’t have the ability, and as an American, had too many freedoms to claim I couldn’t do it in safety.

So what was holding me back?

In hindsight, I can see that it was fear. On some level, I knew reading the Bible would change me, and that scared me. I wasn’t sure how much I wanted to change. You see, I had become a Christian as a nine-year-old child, and my decision to follow Christ hadn’t really cost me too much. In fact, people around me applauded the decision. I kept attending church with my family, but mostly I stuck to the periphery activities like youth trips and service projects. I volunteered at Vacation Bible School and helped with the Christmas play. During my last two years of high school I worked in the nursery every week instead of attending the services being held in the sanctuary. Physically, I was in church quite often, but spiritually, my soul was beginning to starve.

Meanwhile, the allure of the world and all its pleasures began to entice me. In college, I kept attending church, but found I was most comfortable in the “lobby”—the space in between the world and the sanctuary. You see, the lobby is where there’s coffee and fellowship, but no conviction; hustle and bustle, but no quiet; smiles and hugs and pats on the back, but no accountability. The lobby seemed to have all the good stuff, all the easy stuff, but over the years what I began to discover is that it didn’t have any of the life-changing stuff that I yearned for.

The life-changing stuff only came after I stopped resisting the Holy Spirit and read the whole Bible on my own. It awakened something inside of me that made me feel alive and turned out to be the substance my soul had been longing for. The Bible wasn’t just a book about Jesus, it was a way to be with Jesus. And once I started spending time with Jesus, I began to recognize His love was all around me.

Reading the Bible did change me, but I had nothing to fear. Quite the opposite—the unimaginable wonder of Jesus’s love that I discovered by reading it is what began casting out all my fears. As it turns out, Jesus didn’t save me so I could spend twenty years in a lobby. He came so that I might have life and have it to the full.

Your words were found, and I ate them,
and your words became to me a joy and the delight of my heart,
for I am called by your name, O Lord, God of hosts.
Jeremiah 15:16

Scriptures referenced: Psalm 42:1; I John 4:18; John 10:10